In 1930 Will Rogers comments that we might starve to death in a land of plenty. How can that happen? Today, I want to share Bushrod Johnston’s (The name has been changed to protect the innocent.) story with you, sort of a parable if you will. Here is “Bushy’s” story.
I’ve been farmin’ all my life, just like my Daddy, Granddad, Great-Granddad, and so on. I’ve done well – married a good woman, raised 12 chillins, worked hard and lived an honest life. We was livin’ just fine, right here in Muddy Boggy Creek, until the last decade or so.
It all started when this government feller drove up in one of those new-fangled electric cars. He was from the Hog Waller Inspection Group of the Dirt Division of the Dept. of Agriculture. After counting and weighing each hog, sow and piglet, He computed the location, size, depth, and mud density of the waller along with the air quality.
After keying in all the data into his computer, we waited for the results. After about an hour and four cups of coffee, the computer determined that the stink to air ratio along with the waller to hog factor were out of balance. The only way to fix the problem was to purchase a new electric tractor with special attachments, including a stink reducer and hog scanner. If we didn’t fix the problem immediately, the hogs would be confiscated under the hog relocation program.
Since he drove his electric car more than 20 miles, and we didn’t have a special outlet for charging, I towed him back to town with my tractor. A month later they took my hogs.
Next came the chicken beak inspectors, the Bovine Flatulent Methane Emissions Quality Group, the Federal Agency to Reduce Tractor Smoke (FARTS), and a host of others. We had to quit milking the cows because the Teats Inspector said that recent studies indicated that milking caused low self-esteem in 56.2% of cows and suicidal thoughts in 15.87% of depressed cows. Our harvest is gone to rot because the Vegetable Inspector said the tractor noise was disturbing the natural habitat of the Snail Darter.
We’ve been living off of Twinkies from the local store, because we can’t eat anything on the farm any more. Unfortunately, I hear that the First Lady has just appointed a Department of Calorie Abuse which will restrict the purchases of sugary treats.
We cooked up a batch of Snail Darters the other day, but don’t tell anybody.
Will Rogers is a man worth remembering, and quoting. His wit, humor and insight into life will amaze and astonish you. His life will inspire you. Watch for new blog posts from my Will Rogers quotes collection.
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